Communication

Couple and their children on bed working on connection.

A Key Factor in Relationship make or Breakdown. Communication is one of the essential foundations of any healthy relationship. When it breaks down, it often marks the beginning of deeper emotional disconnection. Research shows that poor communication patterns such as criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt are strong predictors of relationship breakdown and divorce (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

When couples struggle to express their needs clearly, listen with empathy, or resolve conflict in a constructive way, emotional distance tends to grow. John Gottman’s decades of research identified four particularly damaging behaviours such as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and disengaging which not only intensify conflict but also undermine trust and emotional safety in the relationship.

A lack of open, respectful communication can also leave emotional needs unmet. When one or both partners feel unheard, misunderstood, or invalidated, it can lead to loneliness; even within the relationship. Susan Johnson’s work on Emotionally Focused Therapy highlights that secure emotional bonds are formed when partners can tune into and respond to each other’s emotional cues (Johnson, 2008). When that emotional responsiveness is lost, feelings of isolation and disconnection often follow.

Over time, unresolved communication issues can cause resentment to build. Minor misunderstandings, if left unaddressed, can grow into long term dissatisfaction. Research by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg (2010) found that couples who struggle with communication are more likely to develop negative interaction patterns and less likely to repair after conflict. Without the tools to handle stress and navigate difficult conversations, couples can drift apart, lose intimacy, and eventually separate.

The good news is that communication skills can be learned and strengthened and with the right support, many relationships can be repaired and revitalised. With gentle guidance and a safe space to talk, we can help you reconnect, rebuild trust, and feel close again.

References:

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

• Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

• Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for Your Marriage